I was born in 1965, which, makes me generation X. Generation X was raised on Cinderella, sit-coms and fairy tales that did more damage to women that good.
In my coaching and mentoring programs, I see many women who are stuck in unhealthy relationships with men, which is no fault but their own. They have given their power away, maybe had children and stopped working to raise the kids and are now stuck in a controlling relationship, needing to ask their husbands before they can spend $100. What an awful terrible place to be as a woman. You must make your own money and be financially independent. YOU MUST!!!
I had a woman on the phone this week who works as a dental assistant, has two children, who are 4 years old and 15 months. She is married and hates, hates her job. Like many women, she has been feeling the call to serve in a bigger way to help people and feels overwhelmed and frustrated that all the courses that she has taken and not all the things she had begun filled with pleasure and passion have yet to paid off yet.
She earns a part time income and is desperate for a change in career. We talked at length and I told her the cost of one of my program. I have a mastery academy where I help women rock out their confidence and put proven cash flow systems in place so they can earn their first $100,000 per year. This program helps women understand how to sell and have confidence in their ability to market and promote their services.
She tell me, “Lorena, I can’t afford it. I have to ask my husband for the money, I ‘ll have to get him drunk tonight, and I don’t think he will got for it.”
I told her, “Lady you have BIG problems and that’s it right there!! You got to ask your husband for money to do what you need to do?”
This eats me up; I get so worked up for women who have put themselves in this position because it’s the same position I was myself. I recall my mother and aunts telling me when I was a little girl, even a young girl, saying “Whatever you do, marry rich guy !” As if a woman can’t make her own money!
I want to share with you 4 problems that I see women doing again and again marring rich, wanting to marry rich, they are desperate looking for rich..
2.- They don’t value themselves enough
3.- They lack the courage and confidence to take their power back
4.- Stuck in a controlling abusive relationship and sometimes they don’t even know about it
1.- Fear keeps women stuck and frustrated giving their power away and then they eventually wind up controlled and resentful. This woman would have loved to make more money for her family and help her husband cut down on his overtime. The kids would have mom around more, there would be less stress and tension in the household. It was another sad story.
I always tell women if you want something bad enough you find the money because everything exists for your right now, except most have trained their mind to not afford it and by then verbalizing, “I can’t afford it.” The moment you turn it around and open it up by asking the question “How can I?” everything shifts. The mind will go out of its way and do its job to become aware and pull in all the opportunities that help you achieve your goal.
2.- They don’t value themselves enough. If you don’t value yourself enough to make your own money you better have a ton of faith in your partner. You know what, no matter how well relationship start, things always change. . If there is one thing I have learned it’s that I will always make my own money and Be at Choice; not dependent on the relationship.
I will never have to ask a man if I can buy myself a nice pair of shoes or a nice dress because I want to or if I can invest in something that I know will help me. Don’t set yourself up to suffer. Always make your own money and set yourself up to win; to be at choice. Then you can choose the relationship that meets your needs. This is critical part of taking your power back.
When I began coaching and mentoring women, one of the very first women that hired me was a women I’ll call Kristine who was originally from Mexico. She had moved to the Estates with her four children for her husband’s job. She was feeling the call to get her business up, and start generating income for herself. She was also feeling isolated in a country where she spoke limited English and there wasn’t a large Spanish speaking population nearby. After a few weeks working together, the real reason for our work emerged. Her husband had a drinking problem and was having an affair with a younger more fun woman at work and he was leaving her alone with four kids.
It became evident that a big part of my work was helping women heal the self-worth scars that come from being in a relationship with men who have addiction and/or unhealthy emotionally abusive partners. These women needed to start thriving financially fast!
Now that was exactly what I had learned while at my corporate job. I had zero credit after my divorce and bankruptcy and I needed to make money so that I could eventually quit that job and build my passion-based business, I created and exit strategy. Do you have an exit strategy? – pop it in the chat… Do you have an exit strategy?
3.- They lack the courage and confidence to take their power back. The sad truth is some women are comfortable with neglect and abuse and continue to attract men who exhibit the same traits over and over again until they look inside and have the courage to take their Power Back and heal those inner agreements, those silent yes’ to pain and struggling. It’s another case of this comfortable uncomfortable. You don’t like the situation, yet, you know what to expect. Fear of the unknown is greater than the pain you choose to allow into your life repeatedly. What are you comfortable with?.. there is the chat, share what are you tolerating?
Healing self-worth issues goes hand in hand with forgiving yourself for unconsciously choosing these types of men. By opening the way to being independent, thriving and happy you are taking a stand for what you truly deserve.
After much debate and heartache. Kristin decided to leave her husband and moved her four children back to her home town to start over. She found a job to support herself while she grew her business. She is now able to honor herself and her own self worth.
4.- Stuck in a controlling abusive relationship and sometimes they don’t even know about it . The other problem I see is reverse. Women supporting men. I see many women who also financially support the men in their life. Nothing wrong with that, all relationships are agreements. The question I have is, “Are you getting your emotional needs met?” Do you feel like there is an equal share of responsibilities and an equal give and take or are you simply being weak and scared allowing someone to take advantage of you? There are no victims in life; you choose how people treat you. This is another call, another opportunity to take your Power Back and take a stand for what you deserve.
Another very common thing I see in abusive controlling relationships is women who run around doing everything. They have to manage, emotionally maintain and take care of the relationship, make all the decisions and emotionally take care of their men or else! Or else there is conflict, problems and arguments.
If you are in that position, I say ditch the loser! Ditch him and run as fast as you can! You are not responsible for others people’s reactions and emotional happiness. If you are stuck in a controlling abusive relationship with someone who uses fear, or emotionally batters you by using their anger as a weapon and you end up not making waves or not rocking the boat to make sure you don’t change – I tell you something, what you have is a CHILD on your hands not a man! The problem will only escalate until you choose to look inside and do some major healing work. I don’t want to sound like a man hater or one sided here either. I help men who have given their power away to abusive women as well.
The point is, if you are waiting around for someone to have a change of heart and change because they love you, you may very well be waiting until hell freezes over! Do you know how hard it is to change? Seriously, life has to get pretty scary, uncomfortable and painful even before we make any decisions on change. Think about it – that is human nature – we are creatures of habit.
We are living in a culture that plasters through the media happiness is found in that fancy car, that house, that relationship out there and instead everyone runs around unfulfilled, scared and totally crazed reliving their wounds from childhood. That is how entrenched the mind and the ego is. it has a hold on you and how committed they are keeping you suffering. If you don’t’ go and reprogram it – it will just go and on having you repeat old decisions.
Take note here, as long as you and your energy are all wound up in taking care of such a person you have no, and I mean no time or energy to work on yourself or building a business or anything else empowering.
Controlling relationships are built with insecure people that require you to need them.
Be aware of the situation…
Are you afraid of yourself by not valuing and knowing your worth?
Are you afraid and letting other specially your partner control your emotions and be complacent?
Are you in a relationships because you are afraid to…. Be alone….
You need to start thriving financially first. And Be Financially independent.
Go and get the support you need. Find out what you need to do to get your power back. It may be defining your business, finding a profitable niche, marketing or even, even getting professional help if you find yourself in a very abusive situation based on drugs or alcohol.. but find help now..
You can start charging what you are worth,
You can start healing the inner child inside that wants and deserves more.
Heck I was 30 something before I actually resigned myself and surrender to the fact that I had some major issues that I needed to heal and I am so happy and grateful that I did or would not be thriving in my business now.
There is no prince charming that is going to come and lift you and live happily ever after. Heck do you know the ending of snow white and Sleepy beauty. Snow white had enough cleaning and maintenance not just Prince charming but also the seven spoiled dwarf. She got Divorce, and now holds a business of her own selling organic apples and Sleepy beauty once awake, realized that living with her in-laws was not what she considered her happily ever after so she also divorce and the first thing she did is secure a home for herself only.
But some couples are happily ever after – the ones that don’t dependent on each other for support, but are together be choice.
If you are wondering that perhaps it is time for you to start that business, start making your own money – I invite you to hold a Discovery call with me. Where we can find out what is holding you back, define and action to take and chart a new path for financial independence.
I see it again and again, women stuck in unhealthy relationships, boring or unchallenging jobs and waiting for “Prince Charming”…really?! Does he really exist?… and even if he is out there… does he pay attention to you?…. What would you rather have sex appeal or Money?
Ladies stop waiting for Prince Charming to come to save you and save your own and make your own money!………….
Speaker, Author, Business Coach
🔥🔥🔥Women On FIRE🔥🔥🔥
# Financial Independence Retire Early
SUBSCRIBE to @lorenaarnold-womentimeandmoney to stay up to date with creating wealth and financial freedom: Practical and Spiritual steps so you can stop worrying and start living a joyful fulfilled life.